Velvet Paws, Ladies!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Velvet Paws, Ladies!

Updated 08/17/2009 – 05:38 pm

Or, cat fight across Weixelbaum's Alley!

I've never been quite sure of the origins of this ever-simmering, estrogen-laden acrimony be­tween the ladies Finley and Richman, but this weekend it again achieved the level of compet­ing Police Reports.

Yeah, we're talking Erin and Elysse, and they just can't seem to... "get along" aren't les mots justes here... co-exist in that section of mid-Village Main Street.

That it took 'til the third weekend of August for either of the women to show their claws is the most surprising aspect of this latest confron­tation, the instrument of aggression being a small-caliber water hose.

Scene of the water assault

Scene of the alleged assault by water hose.

(Last Summer it was airborne oleoresin capsicum in a fiendishly clever impro­vis­ed device... jalapeño peppers on a hot grill under an exhaust fan. hoooo boy!)

While I've known Erin Finley the longest, and like her a lot, she can be tough... think Sarah Connor in Ferragamo flats. O yeah, and with a mouth like a stevedore.

But I've come to know Elysse Richman over the past several years, and once one gets past the Adult Onset ADD... which is tough for me to get past... she's a good-hearted gal who needs an occasional jab with a cattle prod.

As for the law enforcement aspect of this latest incident:

  • Complaints made.
  • Officers responded.
  • Investigations ensued.
  • No violations noted.
  • Incident reports filed.
  • No charges lodged.

But for the love of Pete Klotz, ladies... work it out!


1. Jerry Steiner said...

I like it... I like it a lot!! Just send those fine ladies over to my joint. We'll tune 'em up and hone their street fighting skills to a fine art... Sun Tsu.

We'll get to the root of the issue.

Feel the love... ice cold beer... no mercy... Jerry

Hey, it's not like the good ol' days in the Fourth Ward (The Bowery) when Gallus Mag, the bouncer at the notorious Hole-in the-Wall subterranean tavern, bit off Sadie the Goat's ear. The woman tossed it into a pickle jar where she consigned all her separated ear trophies!

(Mike Tyson had nothing on ol' Mag!)

'Ceptin' when the police closed down the Hole-in the-Wall after the seventh murder there in 60 days, Mag, in a rare moment of good will, and returned Sadie's ear to her.

It's all true... like the ol' Perfesser used to say: "You can look it up!"

2. Frank Wheeler said...

I have a feeling that was a bit before Casey Stengel's time.

Right you are... Stengel wasn't born 'til 1890, and the described event took place circa 1869. (And the Fourth Ward is but a distant memory... I don't think Mike Bloomberg or Ray Kelly could even find it today!)

The point was that neither Ms. Finley nor Ms. Richman are blazing new territory!

3. Jerry Steiner said...

Uhhhhhh... Mr. Wizard. We have a pickle jar. Matter of fact, two. One from Lady Edna and Sir Arthur, House of Windsor... old school. You just send them women over here we'll do the rest.

Feel the love... ice cold beer... Jerry

Jerry, them goils be baaad! Trust me on this one!

4. CM said...

Dang. {Blazing?} I just miss my *old* territory.

I have a garter belt in karate, but sense that it won't help in this situation. In any case, bless you for invoking Pete Klotz and making references to cattle prods and ADD all in the same posting. Pete would have approved.

I concur... and a li'l FYI: Ron Michne at Village Graphics (rear-most in the old Swezey-Newins building) has custody of Pete's famous uvula-view of a dentist! Stop in and revisit it some time!

And, P.S., your ol' stomping grounds miss you as well.
– Dean

5. Tugboat Bertha said...

No violations noted? No charges lodged? If someone smoked out my customers one year and hosed them down the next it would surely seem like a violation to me. Tell me where I'm wrong?

The police everywhere work in mysterious ways.

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