This can't help sales...

Monday, March 30, 2009

This can't help sales...

Updated 03/30/2009 – 11:25 pm

Remember Vince Offer, the ShamWow/Slap Chop guy from the TV infomercials?

Turns out his real name, according to his police booking report in Miami Beach last month, is Vince Shlomi.

The 44-year-old Israeli-born TV pitchman has obviously sold a lot of his two core products at $19.95 a copy, to be booking $1000 hookers.

Vince "Offer" Shlomi mugshot

It happened on February 7th when Shlomi met up with 26-year-old Sasha Lenea Harris at the Louis in the Gansevoort bar in South Beach.

An offer was made and accepted... that seems to be called "a meeting of the minds..." before working girl and client repaired to client's $750 per diem suite at The Setai... man must sell a whole lot of ShamWows!

Shortly after the quid pro quo was passed to the pro, whatever meeting of the minds there might have been came asunder. Biting, punch­ing and bleeding ensued and the police were summoned.

Cross-complaints of Aggravated Battery were lodged, each participant was booked and mug­shots were taken.

Both charges were subsequently dropped, but not before TSG got the documentation.


Even at $1000 a pop, ho'in' ain't an easy life for anyone's daughter, and even in South Beach, one can burn out fast:

The three faces of Sasha Lenea Harris

Part of the description in the complaint...

"Shlomi said that when he kissed Ms. Harris, she suddenly 'bit his tongue and would not let go.' He then punched her several times until she released his tongue." reminiscent of the technique used by a pod of orca when attacking a much larger prey. One orca makes a run straight at the target's mouth and latches onto the lower jaw while the others start feeding on the body.

Only when the prey is sufficiently weakened from loss of blood and tissue, does the first release and join the feeding.

One wonders whether Shlomi's aggressive reaction might not have thwarted an assault by a flourish of strumpets?


1. Hampton West said...

ShamWow - Sham man
shame on him
Shlomi and Sasha
at the Setai
For a session of ShamWow
Turned into a scrap
with the bite of a bow-wow

I heard this on the radio Saturday - what a mug shot!!!

As I notes in another context just recently, "no one ever looks good in a mugshot."

(BTW, HW: free verse isn't your forte.)

2. Jeanne Speir said...

Wow -- now his life is a SHAM.

Wonder how good ShamWow is at removing blood and body fluids. He could use that for his next infomercial.


You should be! Ev'rybody wants ta be a comedian!

3. Rob F. said...

O, for the days of TV pitchmen you could believe in. I mean, would Ron Popeil ever be caught in such a scandal? Unthinkable!

How long before Billy Mays is doing the perp walk?

Mays should have done the perp walk a long time ago for persistent violations of the Decibel Act!

4. Paramarine said...

Billy Mays doing the perp walk? Come on, Mays paid for the hooker. It was a perfect setup.

5. Kristin Guldi said...

Who knew not only can the Slap Chop be used to help you get more salad in you diet, but it can also be a self defense move.

Yes, there's that... which I wish I'd thought of first!

6. TugboatBertha said...

I'm delighting in your words,"assault by a flourish of strumpets." You are so funny!

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