What's wrong with this...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

What's wrong with this...

...motion picture?

"The $35 million Twilight is being given the kind of treatment at the box office ordinar­ily reserved for films costing three or four times that amount: midnight and Friday early-morning screenings."

For anyone... me for instance... unfamiliar with this the film is based on a paranormal romance novel of the same name by Stephenie Meyer, the first in a series of books about 17-year-old "'Bella' Swan" who is in love with "Edward," a beautiful young (17-going-on-108) vampire.

The novels (four, at last count) have been wildly successful with sales in excess of 17 million copies worldwide.

The audience is described within the publish­ing industry as "young adult," but mostly "teens and tweens" of the female variety.

Beginning to see the problem with the distrib­utors' release strategy for this eagerly-awaited 122 minute film?

Here's another clue:

"On Monday night, some 600 screaming teen­age girls packed a special red carpet holding area at the Mann Village Theater in Westwood...."

Got it yet?

Thursday is a school night, and exactly who do you think is going to be attending the Midnight and early morning screenings, anyway?

(The closest movie house going this route is the Island 16 in Holtsville, with shows starting every half-hour!)

The good news is that since most of the aud­ience isn't old enough to drive, their "Edward"-infatuated moms will doing the car-pooling.

Which translates into a reduced head-count in a lot of middle and high schools Friday morn­ing... and many of the heads that do show up to be counted, will likely be hitting the desk­tops throughout the day.

Anything for boffo box office!


1. Shepard M. Scheinberg said...

How would you think this flick would fly: Septuagenarian semi-retired attorney vampire and 16-year-old Naples high school student fall in love. They attempt to run off to set up eternal life in Port of the Islands. They are thwarted by the eruv which magically will not allow the aged vampire to travel through its boundary. Faced with having to remain within the eruv for eternity and the threat by the girl's parents to cut off her credit card at the Gap, the girl drives a stake into her lover's heart and runs off with her soccer coach.

Still a dawg at heart, eh, Shep, you ol' Humbert Humbert?!

I think the story line needs a twist ending... something like the girl, in trying to set up a kosher household and affixing a mezuzah to every doorpost in their little love nest, makes the mistake of purchasing cases with too much silver content so that on the night of the next full moon, her were-soccer coach is unable to drop to all fours and run off howling into the night. In a rage at being confined, he rips her nubile body to shreds... this is where the R-rating would come in.
– Dean

2. William Rodney said...

According to my wife, this guy "Edward" has got what it takes. I have been hearing about him for the last month or so. I offered to go see the flick this weekend with her and got a lukewarm response. I think she wants to go by herself. I'm gonna' be checking for fang marks when she comes home.

So besides teens'n'tweens, there's "Twilight moms," as well.

As for the puncture marks, I hope that you're not suggesting that Mrs. Rodney is what is referred to on HBO's True Blood as a "fang-banger!"
– Dean

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