Just as calm as you please...

Friday, November 07, 2008

Just as calm as you please...

...like a swell out for a stroll 'round town.

It was around 8:50 pm, and as I came out of the kitchen, I spotted him through the dining room windows. He was on the sidewalk in the loom of the street light at the end of the drive­way to 268 Main.

Moose on Main Street

He was ambling West in the most leisurely manner, and I im­mediately flashed on the moose meander­ing past "Roslyn's Cafe" in the fictional town of Cicely, Alaska during the open­ing credits of TV's Northern Exposure.

He took no notice of the small boulder at the base of our mailbox post, the first quadruped ever to not stop and sniff East Main Street's favorite "lifting" location.

No, his objective was snacking on the yews on the South West corner of the property.

While his presence failed to interest the dogs... unusual since most canines are quite sensitive to the presence of anything on four legs pass­ing their home... my wife was on it at once.

She went out the side door and engaged him in a stare-down before he'd gotten two bites of the tasty evergreen.

He interrupted his fashionably late dinner to meet her glare with a "Yes?" expression.

"Well," she finally said, "better the yews than my day lilies, but just get outta here!"

He stifled a yawn, took one more deliberate bite, and sauntered off toward Aspatuck Road to continue his nocturnal walk-a-bout.

As deer go, it was the largest I've yet seen in the Village... a buck, at least four points, while Jeanne later made it to be six.

Aside from the devastation the cervidae cause to cultivated vegetation, I kind of enjoy their presence in the Village, and there's a large number of them at my end of Main Street.

(There are also sizable deer populations around the Oneck Drain, and South of the Yacht Basin, and it's likely no part of the Village is without them.)

My major concern is the danger they present to vehicular traffic.

Even with the greatly reduced foliage since the Cutter estate has been transformed into the Goldstein mansion, there's still a number of them bounding back and forth across the road between there and the old Deiching estate, and the way the young Quiogue matrons speed over Turkey Bridge in their SUVs, more involv­ed with their cell 'phones than their driving, it's a matter of time before there's a collision.

And it'll be a messy one.


1. Jeanne Speir said...


Giant, herbivorous leporidae on cloven hooves if you ask me.

Yes, dear.

2. Jerry Steiner said...

Meat for the table!

Dean, what the hell were you thinking?! You are always bitchin' about Julia Waldbaum's joint. Now who was that guy that took the Chief's Special and did in that possum? Five shots or did he load six. Didn't you learn anything! Go see Bob Stevens and get yourself a freezer. A golden opportunity and you get philosophical... my God, what happened to you!

Feel the love... ice cold beer... Jerry

You been talkin' to my wife?!?

"That guy" you're referencing is Deputy Mayor Jim Kametler, and whether he actually "did in that possum" is still an open question.

O, and while the Deputy Mayor might've tried to "load six," the S&W Chief's Special only holds five rounds.
– Dean

3. Mattie said...

I came home from work one Friday afternoon, and looked out my back French Doors, and saw a large deer laying in our back yard. I called my husband and said "How the @#$% do we get rid of a dead deer in the back yard?" Fortunately (or not) he was only taking a nap.

4. Rob F. said...

Come pay me a visit, Dean, and from my deck you can watch the deer stroll through my yard in packs of 7 to 10 on a regular basis. Sometimes I send my dog out to break up the acorn buffet under my giant oak tree. She can use the exercise and it keeps the deer on their toes. For me, what remains memorable years later was the early morning I left my hotel room in the town of Banff--which is located in Banff National Park--and came pretty close to an elk strolling near the parking lot. And then, a few years later, there were the terrified moose cow and calf that bolted onto the slopes nearby me in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, before getting their bearings and returning into the woods. Funny how I only seem to run into these big Cervidae when I'm skiing, and not when I'm hunting. Whitetails are pretty much like pigeons in the park north of White Plains, and about as intimidating. Elk and moose--now they can be scary-big, especially up close.

5. Hampton West said...

They're everywhere - I rode my bike down Dune Road towards Shinnecock early Sunday morning and out popped a virtual herd from someone's driveway on the oceanside going to the bay side in Quogue. Must have been a total of ten, all sizes.

There was a time not too long ago if I saw a single deer all Summer, it was memorable.

Two mornings after I wrote this, my wife discovered that her day lilies beneath the front windows were chewed down to the ground... she is, in a word, distressed!
– Dean

6. William Rodney said...

I enjoy watching the deer in the early morning as they amble out of the pine barrens and oak forest behind my home. Very serene and pastoral. Not quite as bucolic were the three I saw last week, totally freaked out,scrambling around Macy's parking lot in Hampton Bays at noon.

I daresay that such a sight will soon become almost commonplace.

7. BettyBoo said...

I'm not at all happy at the damage to my perennial garden. The deer will just stand and look at me when I'm on my morning run down Tanner's Neck. Like they are statues - except in the middle of the street.

8. Jeanne Speir said...

Ugh. Their chewing spreads plant diseases, and they are a favorite cuisine of the ticks that will cause Lyme disease.

The males in season will charge you. Beware when one deer crosses the road; for there are often others following. HOW many people hit deer with their cars every year out here anyway? I know there's always a death or two.

Put my order in for a Bambi burger, please!

9. Tugboat Bertha said...

The males in season also charge human women in heat. Any port in a storm. As for bambi burgers, I know who has a freezer full of deer burgers. Shall we have a cook out before it snows?

Jeez, Bertha! If'n I'd ever referred to "human women in heat," I'd have women everyywhere... and not just the hard-libbers... calling for my sexist head on a pike!

10. Jerry Steiner said...

Well... If Dean don't want to POP one of those critters with a 6-shot Chief's Special with a laser sight, sporting a heavy load of Speir Purple Dot 250-gr. +P, try peein' around the plants...worked for me... but then I have sulfuric acid coming out.

Feel the love... ice cold beer... Jerry

Bill Bennett told me that "trick" several years ago. Problem is that I have new neighbors all over the place and I'm gonna get popped for Indecent Exposure one of these days!

(My defense will be that it was either whip it out and spritz the foliage or my wife was going to make me start shooting them!)
– Dean

11. BettyBoo said...

Not sure how my neighbors will feel about me peeing in my front yard.....

12. Jerry Steiner said...

Simple solutions for complex problems. Dean, that's why they invented old fashioned glass milk bottles. Works like a charm... Ladies canning season? Mason jars. See, we know all this good stuff North of the river and thru{sic} the woods. Just make sure you field gut that critter on the spot. Then just waltz down to Jeanne's favorite market... who was that guy... LOL. With carcass in tow. He'll take care of the rest. You get a nice buck, boil the head. Skull make a nice presentation. Now ain't this a hell of a lot more fun than the Jewish stuff?

Feel the love... ice cold beer... Jerry

Jerry, you is my "Jewish stuff."

I wasn't gonna clue BettyBoo to the obvious solution to her modesty concerns... she's a savvy gal and she'll figure it out! Desperate times, doncha know?!

Favorite butchers? Bryan Dean and Johnny Romo, Dean's Country Market! Best ground meat anywhere! Secret of Billy Thorne's great burgers at Magic's all those years! (And I always thought it was the Thomas' Toasted he served'em on!)

Keep that beer at 32.5°F and I'll be over to Allied Optical reeeeaaal soon!
– Dean

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