BOLO: trippy deer

Saturday, July 30, 2011

BOLO: trippy deer

Under ordinary circumstances, the local deer population is a constant threat to vehicular traffic, even those doing a legal and circum­spect 30 mph.

Now, after the nocturnal depredations of the burgeoning herd that makes the Ketchaboneck section of the Village its home, there's an added risk to consider.

We've had hooved visitations two night's running, and the ravenous herbivores devoured Jeanne's prized ipomoea alba!

The skeletal remains:

All that's left of Jeanne's night-blooming moon flower

(Unfortunately there's no "before" image of Jeanne's spectacular night-bloomer.)

The thing about the moonflower is that it has hallucinogenic properties due to the presence of atropine and scopolamine!

So if you come up against any deer in the Southeastern quadrant of the Village which are acting a little weirder than usual, weaving around with a case of the munchies, with dilated pupils and beatific smiles on their faces, take care.

They aren't in their right minds!

And furthermore...

...the damned deer freely ignore the stinky Maine fish oil Jeanne sprays all over the yard, and the nylon netting in which she envelopes her edibles (cucumbers, tomatoes and sundry squash)...

Jeanne's denuded cucumber plant

...and chew the good parts right through the synthetic strands!


1. Jim Cordo said...

Giselle sends her condolances for Jeanne's moonflowers. She says they are difficult to cultivate.

As far as the stoned deer, I'm lmao. Are you liable if they attack somebody? Throw a keg party in your backyard. I hear deer are repelled by urine. lmao

If those moonflowers are as good as you say, those deer will be back!

In the order named:
  • Jeanne thanks Giselle for her wishes... she's right, which is why losing them like that is so annoying!
  • Reasonable precautions taken... uninvisted guests!
  • That's what I thought as well, but I can tell you authoritatively that nothing inert discourages hungry deer!
  • They were back... they got all over the morning glory in the front yard last night so the bolo is now at Condition Red.

2. Tugboat Bertha said...

Do you perhaps need a deer assassin to sit on your front stoop all night? Remember the time you slept outside on a hammock to foil the deer and had the dog's leash tied to your leg? Funny stuff, Speir. I'm still laughing. You are such a good husband.

I just had the lead looped over my ankle, but that was more than enough for me to awaken with my butt on the black walnuts on the ground and Gracie trying to dislocate my hipbone straining to chase the doe!

3. Hampton West said...

Aspatuck Gardens has a couple of moonflower vines in stock, $4 each I think. Perhaps Artie will take pity on you and give you a discount.

I saw over at Gabreski a woodchuck the size of a small dog, beagle-sized. Biggest one I've ever seen - and he has friends - there were a couple around.

Jeanne gets all of her stuff from Artie, including the moonflower that was devoured!

I've seen the woodchucks at Gabreski... there's a healthy specimen lives near the drainage underpass on the Borth Perimeter Road.
– Dean

4. Tugboat Bertha said...

A woodchuck the size of a small beagle? Maybe that one's big enough for Kametler to hit with one shot.

O you wicked woman!

5. Seeker said...

The population explosion of deer, woodchucks and turkeys I've gotten used to – but what's up this Summer with the proliferation of those horrible green flies with the nasty bite?

The big greenies have been around forever... the good thing about them is that they're slow and easy to kill... unless one is a Buddhist.

6. Hampton West said...

Great response LOL!!!!

Jeanne, if Artie still has any moon vines left on the weekend - I'll buy you one.

7. Jeanne Speir said...

Thanks, HW, but that's where I bought mine, and it's kind of late in the season to be tending to a new one. I threw bird plastic wire over the thing and hope that they don't like the taste of it in their current psychedelic state: "Picture yourself on a boat in a River with Tangerine Trees and Marmalade Skiiiiies...."

8. Jim Cordo said...

I saw a green fly the other day that was so big it had sneakers on and a number on his wings.

Plays for the Celtics?

They old ways die hard, eh, Jimbo?

9. Jeanne Speir said...

Is Hampton West our elusive supplier of organic, hallucinogenic, fauna pharmaceuticals, discovered this afternoon on our front porch?

The six-eight point buck staggering through the streets is saying, "Dude!, that redheaded gal on Aspatuck only feeds me corn!" Thanks! I'll plant it now.

Yeah, HW, what she said!

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